


For Love I Disappear

by smaragdbird



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, not a fan of eamon, the warden returns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 14:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6155986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Queen finally returns to Alistair with a cure for the blight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Love I Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this ](http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/10859.html?thread=45870955#t45870955) prompt on the dragon age kink meme

“We need to talk, Alistair”, Eamon said as he entered his office without knocking.

Alistair sighed. “Nothing good ever follows those words”, he leaned backwards. “Let me guess, it’s about my wife and her continued absence from court for the last 18 months.”

“Partly”, Eamon admitted. “But more pressingly we need to speak about your lack of an heir.”

Alistair rolled his eyes. “Not that again. I’m a Grey Warden. You knew from the beginning that the chances of me and Elissa having children were slim.”

“Perhaps with a different wife – “ Eamon’s cautionary tone showed that he knew he was approaching dangerous territory and Alistair’s sharp, “No!” proved him right. “You need to consider it. Without a child the Theirin bloodline will end.”

“Then let it end”, Alistair snapped. “Because between me and Cailan this seems to be what the Maker intends.”

Eamon crossed his arms. “It’s the line of King Calenhad.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s any better than anyone else. The Howe’s are old blood too and we all know how that turned out. The Theirins had some pretty bad kings and queens amongst them. Let the Bannorn decide who rules after me.”

Eamon opened his mouth but it was Teagan who spoke first, “He’s right.”

They both turned to him, uncertain who he was supporting.

“Alistair is right”, Teagan amended. “We’re Fereldans not Orlaisians. Any king or queen needs the support of the Bannorn if they want to stay in power. And don’t forget that if Elissa is successful she and Alistair can still have a child.”

“If”, Eamon repeated. “No one has heard from her in months. And with the rumours about the Grey Wardens in Orlais who knows if she’s still alive.”

Alistair’s fist hit the table. That’s enough! Elissa is my wife and nothing will change that.” 

Eamon was a smart enough man to see where it was better to let the topic slide. He hadn’t expected a victory today in any case. It was more about wearing Alistair down the longer Elissa was gone.

“As you say”, he replied and took his leave. Teagan followed him.

“You weren’t so supportive of Anora when I suggested a divorce to Cailan”, Eamon said, turning to his brother.

“I didn’t like Cailan”, Teagan admitted freely. “And his idea to make an allegiance with Orlais was foolish. But Alistair and Elissa are good rulers and good people. They don’t deserve the plots you’re trying to spin. You helped to make Alistair king, now you need to deal with him being king. He’s not as malleable as Cailan was and you don’t like that.”

“I’m trying to do what’s best for Ferelden.”

Teagan gave his brother a long, sceptical look. “Sure.”

/

“Your Majesty”, the guard gasped, “…at the gate…the Queen….”

“Is she back?” Alistair asked, already halfway out of the door.

The guard nodded, too breathless to speak.

Alistair ran out of the room, down the stairs and through the courtyard until he reached the gates. He arrived just as Nathaniel and Anders helped Elissa down from her horse while Sigrun held the reins. Elissa looked dreadful. They all did. Exhausted, hungry, hurt. In a heartbeat Alistair was at her side, pulling her into his arms.

“I found it”, she whispered hoarsely.

Alistair stopped for a moment from peppering her face with kisses and said, “I’m going to freak out about that later but right now I’m so happy to have you back that I don’t care.”

She smiled weakly, resting her head against his shoulder. When he hoisted her up she seemed to weigh next to nothing.

“Welcome back”, Alistair said to the rest of the Wardens who all looked on the brink of collapse. “I’m sure we can find you somewhere to sleep and to eat.”

“Anything but nugs”, Sigrun said. “Or deep mushrooms.”

“No nugs and no mushrooms”, Alistair promised. He heard them following him inside but his attention was kept by Elissa who seemed to have fallen asleep in his arms. Her cheeks were hollow, her eyes ringed and her lips dry. There was a scar along her temple that she hadn’t had two years ago and there were undoubtly more of them where he couldn’t see them right now.

Teagan was the first one who met them inside. He stared at Elissa as if he was seeing a miracle. “Is she - ?”

“She should be fine”, Anders said, who was half carrying half dragging Nathaniel with him. “Given enough rest.”

“Teagan, could you show them to their rooms?” Alistair asked his uncle. “This wing and make sure they have everything they need. They’re family after all.”

“Thank you, your majesty”, Sigrun said.

Alistair nodded at them and then carried Elissa to their bedroom where he carefully put her down on the covers. She was still wearing her armour. He unclasped it slowly, making sure not to wake her up. Two years ago they had said their goodbyes with a thousand kisses and now she was finally here again, alive and whole. He could barely believe it and didn’t dare to take his eyes off her in case it was all a dream.

/

“Hey”, Alistair said and kissed her on the nose.

“Hey”; Elissa yawned. “How long did I sleep?”

“A little more than a day.”

She shook her head. “I was stupid. I pushed too hard to come back home. One day more or less wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“Well, I for one am very happy that you returned yesterday instead of today. Although Teagan may be less happy considering I heaped all my responsibilities on him.” He stroked her hair. “And I got to watch you sleep for a whole day already.”

Elissa made an agreeing humming noise and buried her face in his chest. “I missed you. I missed you so much. There were so many days I wished you could’ve been there.”

“Believe me, there were just as many days were I wanted nothing more than to be with you, wherever you were.”

She looked up at him. “Never again”, she promised him.

“Never”, he echoed, resting his hand against the side of her face before he leaned down to kiss her. It grew heated fast with Elissa kissing him like she was starving for affection and him responding in kind. She pulled him on top of her with a strength he had forgotten she possessed.

“Not to ruin the mood”, she whispered against his lips. “But do you think we could take a bath first?”

Alistair laughed, leaning his forehead against hers. “Whatever you wish, love. Wait, did you say we?”

“I did”, she looked up at him from beneath her lashes. The sight stole the air from Alistair’s lungs. “Why, do you have any objections your majesty?”

He kissed Elissa instead of answering. “Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.”

“As if”, he heard her mutter as he went to the door and called for a bath to be made ready. Being king had its perks.

/

“Are you going to carry me everywhere?” Elissa asked as he hoisted her up in his arms to bring her to the bathroom next door.

“Absolutely”, he answered and kissed her nose. “Anders said you need rest. So that’s exactly what I’m going to give you.”

“Rest is not really what I’m after”, she said, her voice dropping flirtatiously.

“Too bad because that’s what you’re getting.” He set her down and helped her to pull the nightgown off. She was a lot thinner than the last time he had seen her, ribs sticking out under her skin that was littered with new scars and bruises. 

“You’re coming or what?” She asked as she climbed into the tub and sank down in the warm water.

“Nope”, Alistair replied and pulled a stool next to the tub. 

She let out a whine and Alistair leaned his forehead against hers. “Later, Love, I promise. Let me take care of you first.”

Elissa rubbed her nose against his before she kissed him. “That better be a promise.”

/

Later, much later, they were lying curled up together between the sheets, Elissa tracing invisible patterns on Alistair’s chest.

“So Eamon hasn’t managed to talk you into a divorce”, her tone was light but Alistair could read the tension in her shoulders and the stiffness in her smile. A part of her had been genuinely worried.

“He tried”, Alistair admitted. “But I have a very specific type and women who kill Archdemons are pretty rare these days.”

Elissa laughed and he pulled her closer. He couldn’t stop touching her, always reassuring himself that she was really there. So far she hadn’t protested, only melted herself around him as if she couldn’t quite believe he was really there either.

“You haven’t asked me yet”, she said eventually.

“Asked you what?”

“About the ritual. About reversing the Calling.”

“It works then?”

“It worked on Velanna. It cures the taint. We wouldn’t be Grey Wardens anymore.” He could hear the hesitation in her voice and knew what it was about. They had been Grey Wardens for so long…even as king and queen of Ferelden it had been so much part of their identity that to stop being Grey Wardens felt like treason.

/

Unfortunately Alistair couldn’t dodge his duties as king forever (or even for more than two days) so he went back to his job the next day. When he returned around midday from a tedious meeting with the Orlaisian ambassador about import taxes and after checking up on the other Grey Wardens he found Elissa with Teagan, sitting on a couch in front of the fire and laughing about a story from his time at the Orlaisian court. Sometimes Alistair had the feeling that if he hadn’t been in the picture, Elissa and Teagan would’ve happily married each other. It was weird knowing he was all that stood between two people who were so close to him. But then Elissa looked at him and all thoughts about what could’ve been vanished instantly.

“How are the others?” Elissa asked as Alistair squeezed himself on the couch behind her and pulled her into his lap.

“Well, Nathaniel already threatened to drown Anders’ cat if he isn’t let out of bed soon. Sigrun meanwhile seems to be content to stay in hers as long as she has books left to read. How did you keep her entertained in the deep roads for two years?”

“There are plenty of books down there, leftovers from the old dwarven settlements. We also played cards and killed lots of darkspawn.”

“I would prefer darkspawn over the Orlaisian court any day”, Teagan said.

“Me, too”, Alistair added. “At least they don’t talk back.”

“Most of them”, Elissa grinned. “But those who do are pretty good at cards.”

Both men stared at her for a moment.

“What?” Alistair asked.

“I don’t think I want to know”, Teagan said.

“It’s a long story”, Elissa replied with the mischievous smile of a young girl that she hadn’t been in a long time. It was as if a huge burden had finally been lifted from her shoulders, Alistair thought fondly as he watched her telling her story. Despite being the Hero of Ferelden, the lack of children had been blamed more on Elissa than on him. It had given him a new perspective on Anora’s situation and how much more badly it had to have been on her. 

/

Anders was the easiest to find, playing in the garden with Ser Pounce. When he saw her, he scowled. “I told your husband to keep you bed.”

“I’ve been in bed for four days that has to be enough.”

“As long as you take it easy.”

“And here I was going to run off and join the Inquisition. Heard they had all the fun while we were away.”

“Fun”, Anders echoed dryly.

“Apparently there are going to be peace talks with Orlais next month. I’m missing the darkspawn already.”

“You could always ditch the job as queen and be a Grey Warden again”, he suggested.

“Is that what you’re going to do?” She asked curiously. 

“Probably.” Anders shrugged. “I don’t think any of the newly established mages colleges will too keen on having a possessed terrorist Grey Warden around to teach healing spells. Plus, I just got Ser Pounce to forgive me for running away. He’ll kill me if I do it again.”

Elissa had a suspicion that he wasn’t talking about his cat but didn’t comment on it. “You’ll always have a place here.”

“As your court magician? Turning anyone you don’t like into a toad?” Anders joked.

“Is there even a spell that can turn people into toads?” She asked. “Even Morrgian could only turn herself into an animal, not other people.”

“I’m not actually sure”, Anders admitted. “If there was I don’t think they’d have taught it in the Circles.”

“We could ask the Dalish”, Elissa said. “Or maybe Tevinter. Or both. “

“You could phrase it as a diplomatic request: Will exchange cheese for toad spells”, Anders grinned.

“You’d do well as my advisor on magical matters.”

“I’ll think about it”, Anders promised her. “Where are you off to next?”

“Nathaniel. I heard he isn’t taking the bed rest well.”

“About as well as you do”, Anders said pointedly. “Except that his leg actually forces him to stay where he belongs.”

/

Nathaniel was in his room, in bed, reading a letter. He looked up when she knocked.

“Good morning”, he said and waved her in.

“Morning”, she replied. 

“You look better.”

“Thank you. How does your leg feel?”

“Better, although if Anders tells me one more time that I need to stay in bed for the whole week, I’m going to kill him”, he told her matter of factly.

“He wasn’t really happy with me being out of bed already either”, Elissa said as she pulled up a chair to Nathaniel’s bed. “Don’t tell me that’s a letter from Vigil’s Keep already.

Nathaniel shook his head. “It’s from Delilah. She said Fergus gave her Amaranthine and its surrounding lands. He also petitioned to make her Bann.”

“Are we sure Fergus and Delilah didn’t hook up while we weren’t looking?”

“Maker, I hope not. I like Albert and doubt threatening Fergus to treat my sister well would go over well.”

“He’d deserve it. He nearly made Alistair cry”, she smiled at the memory. “I’ll make sure Alistair grants the petition. After the controversy he caused by making Shianni Arl of Denerim, this should be fairly easy.”

“I should visit Fergus and thank him before I return to Vigil’s Keep.” Nathaniel looked uncomfortable just thinking about it.

“Have you spoken with him at all since you saved his life?”

“We’ve met once or twice since then.”

“I mean just the two of you, not being in the same room with forty other people.”

Nathaniel grimaced. “I’ll talk to him eventually.”

“You promise?” Elissa asked, knowing she wasn’t playing fair and by the look Nathaniel gave her, he knew it too.

“I promise.”

/

Oghren was out in Denerim somewhere, probably finding a tavern, so Elissa went looking for Sigrun instead. Predictably she found her in the library, in a deep discussion about the Deep Roads with Brother Genitivi, whom Alistair and Elissa had asked to take this position when it had become clear that age and his once broken leg would prevent from travelling as much as he used to.

“Talking darkspawn?” Genitivi asked. “You need to tell the University of Orlais about this. Especially in light of everything that happened with the Inquisition – good morning, your Majesty”, he said once he noticed Elissa.

“Good morning”, Elissa smiled. “Don’t let me interrupt you.”

“Good morning”, Sigrun chirped. “Do you think we could write to the Inquisition? It’d be so interesting to hear what they know about Corypheus and Red lyrium.”

“I think as Warden Commander you can do whatever you like”, Elissa told her.

“You should write to the University as well”, Genitivi added. “Pooling all your knowledge together could yield marvellous results.”

Sigrun’s eyes gleamed. “Do you really think I should?”

“I think you should”, Elissa encouraged her. “You could be the greatest scholar about the taint that ever lived. Also their library is huge.”

/

She and Alistair had agreed to proceed with the Ritual before the others had to leave. There had been witnesses when they had each been made into a Grey Warden so it only felt right that they would have witnesses for this as well.

It felt huge this decision she was about to make. Bigger than the Landsmeet or Morrigan’s dark ritual or even joining the Grey Warden’s in the first place.

“Are you going to do it?” She asked her friends.

Anders shook his head first. “It’s all that keeps me and Justice safe.”

“I like being a Warden”, Sigrun said. She’d be Warden Commander soon, Elissa had seen to that.

“I’ll see if Felsi wants me to”, Oghren replied.

Nathaniel kept his silence the longest. Fergus had returned some of the Howe lands to his family but with Nathaniel a Warden they had gone to his sister. He could gain a lot by leaving the Warden’s behind. But then she saw him looking at Anders. “No”, he said simply.

Alistair took her hand. “No matter what happens in the future, the Grey Wardens will always be our family and you’ll always be welcome here.”

Elissa nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She felt tears stinging in her eyes.

They had poured the potion that would cure them into the chalice of joining that she had found in the remains of Ostagar so many years ago. Elissa went around hugging all her friends. They had gone through so much with each other and regardless of what Alistair had said, this felt like goodbye.

“Ready, Love?” Alistair asked, holding the chalice.

Again she could only nod. 

Alistair drank first, then she. For a moment nothing happened, then she felt the same blinding agony she had when she had become a Grey Warden and fell unconscious.

/

She woke up in her bed.

“Thank the Maker you’re awake”, Alistair said as soon as she opened her eyes. “I thought you wouldn’t wake up.”

“I’m fine”, she assured him. “I don’t feel any different.”

“Neither do I”, Alistair replied. “But according to Anders it worked.”

“No more dreams would be nice”, she said more to herself than to Alistair.

“No more nightly raids on the pantry.”

“That’s going to happen to me again if I get pregnant”, Elissa replied without thinking. “At least that’s what happened to Oriana.”

“You know we should name our first kid something unexpected. The rest can have normal names but the first one should have a name that makes everyone do a double take when they hear it for the first time.”

“The rest?” Elissa raised her eyebrows. “How many are you planning on having?”

“However many you want, love. After all it won’t be me carrying them.”

“Why is it always me who ends up doing the hard work?” She sighed dramatically. “Lead Ferelden’s Grey Wardens, Elissa. Lift a werewolf curse, Elissa. Liberate the Circle from a dangerous blood mage, Elissa. Find Andraste’s Ashes, Elissa. End the Dwarven Civil War, Elissa. Slay the Archdemon, Elissa. Save Amaranthine, Elissa. Find Morrigan, Elissa. Negotiate with Commander Meredith, Elissa – “

“That was me”, Alistair interrupted her. 

“Only because I was in bed with the flu”, she shot back.

“What can I say, you’re the best for the job. Any job.” Alistair tried to pull her on top of him but Elissa shook her head.

“Oh no, I’m not doing the hard work in bed as well”, she laughed and rolled on her back. “Get up here.”

Alistair grinned. “As you wish, my Queen.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [ here](http://smaragdbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


End file.
